7 Questions to Ask Your Aging Parents

7 Questions to Ask Your Aging Parents

While it’s not easy to ask about your parents’ wishes for the future, it may be one of the most important talks you have. If you can talk about your parents’ care and future before they get sick, you’ll be better able to honor their wishes. You’ll give them peace of mind, be a better advocate and prevent sibling arguments.
To help you through this potentially difficult conversation, here are eight important questions to ask.

1. Who are your doctors?

In the event of a medical crisis, your parents’ health care providers can be vital sources of information. They know your parents’ health history, including any prescription medications they take and the results of recent tests. Ask your parents to create a list of their health care providers, including addresses and phone numbers.

2. What medications are you taking?

To prevent a dangerous interaction and help physicians make informed decisions about future treatments, it’s essential to know the exact medications your parents are taking, and the dosages and frequency. Keep an up-to-date list of your parents’ prescriptions, vitamins, supplements and over-the-counter remedies, as well as any known allergies.

3. What do you want me to do when you can’t make your own decisions about your health?

It’s hard to imagine your parents unable to speak for themselves, but their risk for becoming incapacitated increases with age. That’s why a living will—a legal document that spells out their end-of-life wishes—is a must. Suggest that your parents prepare a durable power of attorney (DPA), a document that allows a designated person to step in when the patient is declared incompetent and can no longer make decisions about their health care.

4. Where do you keep your financial papers?

Reassure your parents that you don’t need to know their assets, just where they keep the important information. Encourage them to list their Social Security and Medicare info; sources of income—including pension, investments and interest; bank account numbers; credit card numbers; insurance policies; the location of any safe deposit boxes and any debts.

5. Where do you think you’ll want to live?

Aging adults have many options these days—including home health aides, assisted living facilities and nursing homes. Knowing what your parents want will help you make the best choice if their health deteriorates.

6. What type of final arrangements would you like?

Discussing funeral arrangements with a parent seems macabre, but it’s practical, considering the number of choices that must be made. A good time to bring this up is when someone they know dies or when you hear about an unexpected death.

7. How do you want your possessions distributed?

In a perfect world, an aging parent would have a will that instructed survivors on how to distribute all possessions after the parent’s death. If your parents resist writing a will, remind them that without one their assets could possibly wind up with the government and that family fights over items can even lead to severed relationships.